Sometimes stories are just too good to pass up. Some make even better “targets” of satire and laughs.
Harold Camping is the number one guy at the eBible Fellowship, an online evangelical and fundamentalist “church.” He is also the owner of Family Radio Worldwide. The Fellowship must have a lot of money because they working too hard to promote the coming rapture and end of the world.
Following the bouncing ball of his predictions, Camping provides an argument for his case. See his writings concerning the Judgment Day, The end of the world is almost here page, and his We Can Know page.
Now, Rev. Camping has predicted the end of the world once before, but was mistaken. It seems his calculations were off. But his new predictions are “impeccable,” beginning with the date t 4990 BCE when Noah first learned of the great flood from god, plus 2011, minus 1 (Christ was born in year “0” to make this work) equals 7000 years since the first flood. So, rapture will occur on May 21, 2011 in the evening and the end of the world will occur 153 days later on October 21, 2011. This is all based, of course that the world was created on… wait, something is wrong.
17th Century Anglican Bishop James Ussher estimated that creation occurred during 4004 BCE. More exactly, Monday, November 10, 4004 BCE. Accordingly, Noah’s ark landed on the top of Mount Ararat on Wednesday, May 5, 2348 BCE.
Some how in his recalculation, Minister Camping believes Bishop Ussher was wrong by almost 2,500 years. Or they are both wrong and our humble planet is about 4.5 billions year old like rational people believe and can be shown by science. I’ll go with the last.
As an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church, I have taken it upon myself to declare new holidays that immediately follow those by Rev. Camping.
Be it Proclaimed!
Be it known: Harold Camping of Family Radio Worldwide and eBibleFellowship.com has declared that “Judgment Day” as May 21, 2011 and that the world will end the following October 21, 2011. The day of Rapture, when Christians ascend to Heaven to be with God and Christ, and
Whereas: Every prediction of the end of the world has been proven wrong, for we are still here living, loving and laughing; and
Whereas: Rational women and men who understand and use critical thinking when presented with information that may be questioned, use their rational facilities to understand that such predictions are useless.
Therefore: Rabbi, Brother, Rationalist, Sage Dave of the Universal Life Church of Columbia Missouri, declares that Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 6:01 p.m. local time is to be known as “The National Day of Indifference.”
- Friday, October 22, 2011 at 6:01 p.m. local time is to be known as “National Wrong Again Day.”
- The National Day of Indifference and National Wrong Again Day are to be celebrated with food, drink, partying and uncontrolled laughter at the false prophets who make Rapture predictions for profit and publicity.
- All parties are to be dedicated to Jonathan Kay of the Washington Post who wrote his wonderful column “Inside the minds of the birthers and other conspiracy theorists.”
- All celebrants are to attend Skeptic, Rationalist or Atheist meetings, hopefully held at a local tavern.
- All are to face Oakland California at 6:00 p.m. local time, hold your glass high and proclaim aloud, “Ooops!”
So declared on this Friday the 13th day of May, 2011. Rabbi, Brother, Rationalist, Sage Dave
See you all at Boone Tavern in Columbia, MO, on The Day of Indifference.
David Rosman is an award winning speaker, editor, write, and college instructor in Communications, Ethics, Business and Politics. You can read more of David’s commentaries at ColumbiaMissourian.com and New York Journal of Books.com.
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